|—||2 Corinthians 12:9|
Well how do you think it feels to hear you screaming out my name
While all the while I’m trying to open up your heart
See you when you cry yourself to sleep
It’s tearing me apart
I know you wish you could see me
That’s the way it has to be
Someday you’ll understand,
don’t you lose your faith in me
Just a little something to show that you’re only damaged, not broken.
It’s me, Annie. I decided to start writing to you like this. I often forget and neglect you and think about you at random times. Most often it is before I go to bed and I fall asleep quickly thinking of things I have on my mind. Or I think about you when I have tried to find answers elsewhere and have failed. I figured this might be a neat way to stay in touch. I am already on my computer more than is healthy, but now I can put it to good use. You already know I am very bad at confrontation and I end up feeling guilty. I like to write notes so I figured I could write you love notes. Notes filled with love, worries, prayers, guilt, anger, tears, dreams, etc. I pray that this will work.
I’m starting to worry I’m running out of time to figure you out. You already have me figured out and I am so lost just mentioning your name. Who am I and what do I believe? I know you are my God and that you are the King but what does that entail. Where should I worship you? What are the rules? I have been surrounded by great people this summer who have influenced me well, I hope this will give me strength to search for answers.
My favorite bible verse came on the daily bible verse text messages the other day. Philippians 4:6 “Do not worry about anything. Instead pray about everything. Ask God what you need and thank him for all he has done” So here I am God. I am here to pray to ask you for guidance.
I am so insecure about my body Lord. I know you made me a certain way and love me regardless of how I look on the outside. Help me accept that outward appearances aren’t everything. Show me how to love myself. I know that when I love you with all my heart, I will love myself more.
I need to work on caring for others. I feel like I need to bring others down to build myself up. Or like Evan mentioned the other night, I beg for attention in all the wrong reasons. I want the real genuine Annie to shine through. Please let me be strong on my ability to say no to boys. I do not want to be walked on. I am a strong girl. I deserve to be treated right. I don’t need to give anything to anyone that I do not want to.
Please let me focus on taking your words to heart. I have been blessed this summer with amble opportunies to grow in your word. Let me not be ashamed of these chances and grab them with open arms. I love you. I’ll write soon.